How To Tell a lie

1. Make peace with the decision to lie good lying means your are not worried about any moral hurdles
2. Consider that you might get caught before launching into your lie that way you can go over any details with ease
3. Get your revision of events straight . Once you have made the decision your going to lie you will need to come up with alternative facts. As part of this you need to figure out what you are going to say and what kind of questions might be asked so you can answer those questions and have everything already sorted out in your head .
4. Use your imagination and envision the lie . In your mind act as if it has already happened this will create the event in your mind and you will begin to sound like your telling the truth
5. Do the opposite of what liars do. Always keep good eye contact
6. Bring the lie up first before you are questioned about the matter. It’s better to lie in advance than have another person question you later
7. Make some truthful admission if something small if you are suspected being a liar
8. Play dumb coming off as being stupid is always a great defense
9. Be careful not to make it too obvious when trying to change the subject
10. Avoid elaborate stories that need to involve someone else .The more people involved in your tale the more likely a hole will open up

You are never going to get away with it if you don’t do it with confidence. Remember this Kiki has always said

It’s not a lie ……If you believe it .

Rules of Boozing

1. It’s ok to drink alone
2. Drunk words or sober thoughts can get you In trouble
3. If you do something stupid blame it on the booze (unless being questioned by the police)
4. If he is still ugly after 7 drinks find out much money he has on him and take all you can
5. Get people to buy you food so you can spend all your money on drinks
6. An open bar is open game
7. When at the bar drinking never tell people your real name
8. If the cops get called make sure you tell the. You are underage if you have been drinking
9. Never turn down a free drink
10. Make sure you always stay around for one more drink that’s when the real fun starts

About Kiki

About Kiki

Kiki is a self proclaimed diva , gold digger , and of course an expert on just about everything. 

Quickly to point out , all your flaws and mistakes she is the true definition a narcissist. 

She likes shiny things that sparkle, the almighty dollar, and pink glitter . 

She is a fashion expert , a modern day diva , and her all time favorite singer is Madonna 

She loves Karaoke , plays bingo on Tuesdays in Norristown with the Mexicans and enjoys her boxed wine 

Her favorite color is pink and she enjoys riding her vespa around town 

She is a celebrity in her own mind, 

A label whore , and can spot a fake from across the room .

A nightmare at Starbucks , yes she is one of those people. Custom coffee with an everyone is beneath her attitude .

She parks her Vespa on a one way street,  The world revolves around Kiki. What some would say was manipulative and dishonest, she call resourceful and ridiculous. 

Kiki has always felt that 

People mistreat her because they are jealous of her . 

 She is very considers herself to be very political, but some would say she is just a free loader staying off the grid . 

For a small donation and gas money, she will always be willing to

Help out the little people

Her claim to fame is that she likes to give back to the peasants by 

Helping them fix their life 

All inquiries must first be sent to her agent before she decides wether she wants to work with you.

All replies back will require a cash deposit or a gift card to receive a response.

She is very busy doing this and that and the other thing.

Time is money and ….

She doesn’t have time to worry about that ….Right now.

How to procrastinate

How to procrastinate

“Good procrastination is avoiding things so that you don’t have to do real work.

This will give you more free time to hang out with your buddies at the bar.

Make sure you always tell yourself lies, Such as, “I’ll feel more like doing this tomorrow, Or “I work best under pressure.” Another gem is ” don’t worry we have plenty of time “

If you want to be fancy when people start catching on to your hustle . Come up with a catchy phrase such as ” it all comes together in the end “

The word “tomorrow” can be your best friend , especially when you owe someone money .

You would really be surprised how many tomorrows will go by before the guy wants to beat your ass.

Tell yourself that whatever you were supposed to do really isn’t that important.

Always make sure you squander your resources, and your time . It’s a good habit to play around with others time too. Hey if they are late , then I guess it wasn’t your fault then . That’s like a free pass to escape from any duties .

Spend the time , listening to music , telling jokes , and talking about old times with the one you are supposed to work for . Before they know it , it’s time to go . Keep them laughing and they will never know what hit them .

Tell yourself that being pressured by the clock makes you feel more creative and artistic.

Always look for distractions, particularly the ones that don’t take a lot of commitment or effort on your part.

If you are pretending to in a committed relationship , tell your partner things like ” Oh you asked me to do that , I’m sorry I didn’t hear you . Then tell them they need to learn to speak up and continue procrastinating.

If getting close to having them figure you out always make sure you attempt to start doing said chore and then have a friend or family member call upon you for an emergency.

If you are unemployed, and there is things to do around the house , borrow the car and say you are looking for a job all day . This gives you plenty of time for relaxing and usually they will give you gas money too.

If you are working in an office type setting Checking e-mail is almost perfect or offering to get everyone coffee telling them you will fly if they buy , everyone loves Starbucks and now you have collected money from your associates . Good time to take a nap in the car or head out for a quickie during a coffee run.

If they ask what happened to the coffee, tell them you looked for them and couldn’t find them and now you think that Bob the tech guy took his lattes off the desk . Then of course a slap on the shoulder and a “take care of it tomorrow buddy, always wins over even the most suspicious eye.

Schedule a Meeting or family event … With Yourself

Never Make Yourself Accountable Never make your future plans public Never tell people what you intend to do , and when you want to do it.

If you start feeling a little bad about any situation, then remember you just not be doing it right. Putting things off without guilt, is one of life’s little treasures.

If someone tries to force you to do work pick a fight with them and point out all their flaws and then leave. You can always say sorry tomorrow.

Never ever … ever Ask yourself , why do you procrastinate so much. This will only lead to making yourself feel bad, and you can’t really afford to start drinking more now .

Final thoughts

Remember …..why do it today ?when you can always just put it off until tomorrow , better yet , why not just wait until it is too late, and someone else will do it for you .

How to get revenge

How to get revenge

Kikis how to get revenge

When Kiki needs to blow off some steam she loves to add personal adds with someone else’s contact information in newspapers and on Craigslist. The door gets knocked on and the phone keeps on ringing for days and days .

Give local churches your enemy’s number as someone potentially interested in conversion, so he’ll be harassed nonstop.

Call sales people to schedule product demonstrations at his home.

Place ads for free electronics in the paper with his phone number in it.

Print hundreds of flyers for a party at his house, and then plaster them all over town and on the nearest college campus.

Call an overseas hotline or other pay-per-minute number using his phone, and then leave it off the hook.

If you have his social security number, call the power company and have his power shut off.

Place prank calls to his home at all hours of the day and night from a blocked number.

Call his workplace, pretending to be a healthcare specialist. Inform the person who answers the phone that you need to speak to the person immediately regarding a possible infection risk to the public.

Have people call his office repeatedly pretending to be collections agents.

Purchase several large packets of wildflower seeds, and sprinkle them over your target’s nicely manicured lawn.

Write a message in weed-killer on his lawn.

Cut his hair while he sleeps.

Write on her face using permanent marker.

Pick pocket techniques

Kikis pick pocket techniques

One of the most effective distractions for pick pocketing is sex pretend to be drunk touch the victim affectionately and lift his watch or wallet while he’s distracted

How to influence people

Kikis how to influence people

First and most importantly always smile and seem interested when someone is speaking

Never be too judgmental or cope An attitude when in a disagreement
Make sure you are clear that they have brought up some good points

Be charming and seem

How to Manipulate

Kiki’s How to Manipulate People: A Guide to Tricking Your Friends and Enemies

Step 1: Always

First you must decide whether or not you can feasibly make the decision for the person in question. You obviously aren’t going to be able to trick a person into falling in love with you and having your children, but you can manipulate them into having sex with you! You will need to find out how important the decision is to the person that is making it in order to determine the weight you can have in their choice. Remember, the smaller the decision, the more likely that you can change the outcome to benefit you.

Step 2: Sympathize with the person.

Show sympathy towards the person making the decision. If you can trick them into thinking that you feel for them, and that part of you agrees with the choice they are leaning towards, the simpler it will be for you to pull the chair out from under them and get your way. At this point in the process, friendliness is key. Make small talk, and be sure to tell them exactly what they want to hear. Compliments never hurt, especially if they are specific and not your run-of-the-mill: “You are beautiful” or “Your smart

Step 3: Tell the person a convincing lie.

At this juncture, you need to start tilting the scales in your direction. Now that you’ve softened the person’s resolve by massaging their ego, you can sneak in a terrible lie run under nose and they will never expect it. This lie will become the basis for the rest of your argument, so make sure it is a good one. If somehow the person realizes they are being lied to and they call you out, return to step two and cover your ass with more lies.

Step 4: Break the person’s will.

This is the most important step in the process. It is here that you have to make the person insecure about themselves in order to make your opinion stand above the one that they hold. When this step is completed, the person should be questioning the way he looks, acts, smells, and especially the validity of his opinions. It often helps to criticize your victim’s weakest physical or mental attribute, and in doing so you will distract them from the issue at hand and put their mind in another place while you swoop in for the kill.

Step 5: Replace the old opinion with one of your choosing.

This is the easiest step. The person is now a shell of a man, a proverbial tabula rasa (blank slate), if you will. Decide what you want or need the person to do for you or think for you, and fire that opinion at them. Since their mind is now occupied with other things, they will accept your opinion as canon.